As it seems to be a theme with me, I will go months without posting. Sometimes it’s because I have nothing to say or I have something to say, but trust me, it’s so dark you might now want to read it. Hell, not sure I even want to read it. It’s been almost one week since the time change. Not sure how everyone feels about it, but I kind of like the later days with more sunlight. With more sunlight I am supposed to be less depressed but that does not always work. Sometimes it makes it worse. When it gets darker earlier that is when a lot of people get more depressed. I only like it from the standpoint that things are cooler inside. I live in an older place that does not protect much against the elements. I have fans in every room. I turn them on when I am in different rooms, and they blow on me and keep me cool. I sleep with 2 to 3 fans, mostly because I like the noise, but I also keep cooler during the hotter summer months which will be upon us soon.
On the health front things are copasetic. I am off of insulin now. I just take a couple pills and another medication that helps with the sugar levels. But not has much as I thought. My numbers seem to be all over the place. I have a visit in a few months, and we will revisit the insulin. I still have plenty, so I might start using it from time to time to keep the sugar under control. I took a little tonight, 20 units, to see how it impacts my numbers overnight and when I wake in the AM. What’s the worst that could happen? Oh, I could answer that question, but I might not like the answer.
Social life is the same. By that I mean, I have NO SOCIAL life. I go to the movies, once in a while now. I don’t go as often as I once did. I honestly hate people sitting next to me. COVID has not made that any better. People are in general nasty and unpleasant to be around. I also hate having to drive. Traffic in this damn city sucks. People drive like assholes. You have to be on your guard because some asshole could hit you, total your car or worse yet, kill you.
This month also marks 5 years that my mom has been gone. I still miss her every day. I think she would have been 74 this month. Time sure does fly by. Just like life flew by me. I’ll be 47 this year and what do I have to show for it? Not a damn thing. I don’t have my own place, meaning owning a home. I have a decent job and it pays the bills. But it’s a struggle from check to check because I am piss poor with money. Also, that and I take a lot of unpaid FMLA time. I think this past week I worked a total of 10 hours. The rest of that was FMLA time, some paid and some unpaid. However, the paid bucket has ran out. More bad time management planning. I just had to get my FMLA recertified for another six months. Then we do the paperwork dance again in 6 months.
Mental health wise that is still a roller coaster. Ups and down, but lately more downs than ups. Time to time I think about suicide and how much easier that would be for me! Sometimes I feel so depressed that when I think about suicide, I suddenly feel relieved. Let’s be real, it’s not like I would be missed. Only one person calls. I have one person from work who at least sends me a text each morning tells me good morning. One day I am afraid she will no longer get any replies from me. But for now, I’ll answer the one person who calls and the one person who texts me from work. Other people do text from work time to time, but they are hit or miss and people I have never met in person, since we work from home. Or people I know in passing from when I worked in the office building. I do like working from home. More freedom and I can free ball it and no one are the wiser. Been working hard to clear out a lot of stuff. Making the place less cluttered and cleaning out the closets. That has been the biggest job. I never realized how much junk I had or accumulated. I tossed out 75% of the Christmas stuff. I think I still have about 3 or 4 boxes. That is next. I need to go through all my clothes and toss out what I can no longer fit in to. I have tossed so much junk. Boggles the mind. Like I said, I still have a ton to go, and I will get it to it slowly.
Ok, well that is all I got for now. Take care and hope you visit again soon. Which I know no one does. One or two hits a week. LOL.
Peace Out!
Our moms must’ve died within a month or so of each other. This is my mom’s yahrtzeit this month. She died on April 6th, 13 days before her birthday.
My Mom passed 3/12 just two days before she would have been 69.
So yeah within a month of each other. (Though, in the Jewish calendar, this year, the anniversary is Sunday night/Monday of next week.)